I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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