you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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