think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
