i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
