You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
