I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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