I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
