Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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