Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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