I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
