Kiss
Puke
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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