Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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