thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
