Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
