Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
