i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
