I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Say something about gay babies.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
