I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
