Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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