i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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