Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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