new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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