I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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