oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
