if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
