Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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