She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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