I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
