So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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