from now on my penis is your penis
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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