I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
