Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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