My hand turned me down
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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