sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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