I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize