I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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