You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
