I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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