Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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