I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
