In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
