I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
