maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
