I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
