My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
