I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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