ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
