I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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