Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
