Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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