New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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