Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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