Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
