Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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