Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Randomize
