It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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