It's Friday. Sex?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
