i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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