dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
