I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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