the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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