I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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