I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize