Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
