I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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