Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
