I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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