he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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