her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she peed on how many people?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
