Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
