Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
